The Issue of Comparison in the World of Cam Girls
"She's making so much more than I am."
“She makes this look so easy.”
"My ranking isn't as high as hers."
"They have more followers than me."
"Her life seems so much better than mine"....
"How is she thriving in sex work, and I'm dying in it?"
Do these intrusive thoughts sound familiar? Or maybe you're just normal and unburdened by comparison loops (good for you). However, if you have found yourself asking such questions, this may be a helpful article.
I got inspired to write this because a model I look up to made a post in her close friend’s Instagram story, sharing similar intrusive yet introspective thoughts. Her vulnerability really touched me and made me realize that I'm not the only one who gets caught in the comparison trap.
They say "Comparison is the thief of joy", comparing yourself to others definitely prevents you from enjoying your life. But it can be hard not to compare yourself sometimes. Comparing ourselves to each other is an easy trap to fall into. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and skew our perception of reality. The sex work profession can be isolating, which can distort reality even more. As a cam model, more specifically, you spend a lot of time on the computer and/or working from home. Even if you work in a studio, you still require a great deal of privacy to work. Sometimes, studio culture isn't always friendly and full of "girl power" energy. I've had my own personal experiences in studios that were more social but I've also experienced studios where the energy was much colder and everyone mostly kept to themselves and didn't try to bond with one another. Additionally, you go online and see that everyone is beautiful. And mind you, as sex workers, we seen each other naked so incredibly casually. Normies (or civilians) cannot wrap their heads around seeing all your "co-workers’" naked bodies regularly. It brings on a whole other level of comparison. Because of this, there can be intense pressure to conform to beauty standards. Getting cosmetic work done is commonplace and encouraged. Not to mention, most platforms that cam girls use have a ranking order that is made public for fans. The pressure of maintaining your spot at the top is fierce, and it's extremely easy to drop in rank. Not only are the platforms ranking us on who's the hottest and who makes the most money, but you also have social media, which also publicly ranks you. There's pressure to have some clout, to have followers, and to get a lot of likes and views. It can be overwhelming to see these highlighted images on our screens. Sometimes we convince ourselves what we see online is the raw truth. It can sometimes make you feel like you're not doing something right, you're not doing enough, or you're not hot enough. IT'S A TRAP.
SW can be isolating, and harboring feelings of jealousy or envy is only going to make you feel more alone. Feelings of jealousy will have you move from a place of insecurity when this job requires you to move from a place of empowerment. Jealousy creates unnecessary resentment towards other models, as well as resentment towards the industry as a whole. This maladaptive coping mechanism is unhealthy and doesn't serve us. Sometimes in the moment, even the strongest of us fall for this comparison trap. Don't feel bad if you engage in this behavior. Notice it, forgive yourself, and change it when it’s not serving you or your long-term goals. The remedy...?
Practice gratitude. As cliché as it sounds, you have to remind yourself of all the good you have in YOUR life. Remind yourself how far you've come since the beginning of your sex work journey. Look around you and notice all the things in life your pu$$y (and hard work) has earned you. You'll feel so much better when you allow yourself to see the bigger picture.
Creating community is also key. Reach out to models, create genuine bonds, join groups, and talk about your experiences together. You don't have to hoe alone. One thing I have found to be extremely helpful is going to events to meet your peers in person. Meeting other models is enriching. It humanizes us, we can connect to not only the model we see on the screen but the girl for who she is. You gain a deeper perspective about the women in your community, and, at least for me, I gain a deeper respect and adoration for them. Being around other sex workers is inspiring, and learning all the different sex worker stories may make you feel connected to your own journey in the industry. Connections reminds you that you’re not the only person in the world who chose this path in life. This is the oldest profession after all.
When you get to know girls in the community, you’ll soon understand that there is no right or wrong way to do sex work. We all just have to do what is best for us. We're all attracted to this industry because we think differently, we function differently, we move through the world differently, and we see the world for all it’ twisted contradictions. Some of us don't fit the personality or temperament that aligns with corporate work demands. Some sex workers are chronically ill, some are the breadwinners for their families, some are putting themselves through school or funding their passions outside of the industry, and some are here because they simply just wanted to be. There is no right or wrong way, there is only YOUR way. Embracing your own path will always lead you to success. Success is whatever YOU define and it’s different for everyone. The only way to do sex work wrong is if you're being forced to do it (Human trafficking resource at the end of the article).
Remember, you have no idea what other models are going through, even if they post happy things. Sex workers are constantly selling a fantasy, but it doesn’t mean their lives are an actual fantasy.
Remember, rankings don't define you! Ranking high requires a HUGE amount of effort. This is NOT a get-rich-quick scheme. For example, many streaming sites host contests and provide bonuses for winners. However, winning first place in those contests sometimes requires you to work 70-90+ hours in a week. This is an overextension of labor, even for people with “normie” jobs. Not everyone's goals are the same in this industry, and that is ok! Rankings can't define our purpose in the industry. Set goals and focus on YOU.
Remember that other models are never the enemy. Sex workers already face stigma from their own customers, their families/friends, and society for being in the industry. These girls will save you if you allow them. Sex workers understand each other because there is solidarity in the experience.
Shout out to all the sex workers in my orbit. Ya'll know who you are. I appreciate and admire you. Thank you for supporting me. Let's keep supporting each other!
Report or Learn more about Human Trafficking here:
https://humantraffickinghotline.org/en/report-trafficking
Events to meet other's in the industry: